Powerless

Complete nightmare , poor Ginny is going out of her mind, the carer that's been sent out to cover someone's hols is completely out of the depth!! The carer seemed lovely when she came only to do the evening slots for bedtime but unfortunately now that she's been here for longer stretches things are not going well. 

She let's Ginny make a complete mess of a room and leaves it like that, she's told us she can not take Ginny out on walks unless someone can come and collect her if Ginny acts up, she's told us she can't lift Ginny which very specifically was discussed as a requirement with our community manager from her caring agency, she will just sit in Ginny's room with her for hours doing nothing(which if that was okay by us we could just lock her in and turn on her room camera to watch her), and what's more my mom was on the garden with my other two and a toy came crashing out of the window! 

When my mom ran upstairs to see what on earth was going on Ginny was stood without her nappy on on the window sill with her 'carer' doing nothing about the matter or the fact a toy had been thrown out of the window that could have hit my mother or my other two children. Ginny is going out if her mind with frustration because the whole matter of keeping her happy and entertained is not being addressed. This girl is obviously completely out of her depth an the results are making things worse for us because instead of having a child who is happy we have a very angry and distressed one who has not burned off any energy. Something has to be done about this so back on the phone to agency, social services and brokerage I go :( 

All these new people constantly in and out us terribly disruptive, we've counted 11 different carers in and out since my spinal injury. How on Earth is she meant to adjust to new people at that rate?! It's not this agency's fault, they're doing their best to source carers and it's social services having intermittently put in a cheaper alternative instead of looking for the best care coverage for Ginny.

Ah, to be rich and just be able to find someone appropriate to take her out a few hours a day so she can be happy! There are simply not enough Maddys and Lindas in the world to cover the additional shifts and that's with mom still here, on the 3rd she's off to her sisters for two weeks and then what? How on earth will they manage to cover additional hours then?! :( so massively stressed out! This really not what I need right now. I had another bleed after Melody's end of year class picnic and have spent the last two days back on bedrest so I shouldn't even be getting up to have to manage new carers and dictate what needs to be done. 

All I can do is send emails and make phone calls. I feel so useless, so powerless. I'm so used to keeping my girls in tow, happy and healthy with days out on the common, at the park, over in St Albans feeding the ducks and swans or going for walks through the cathedral, or cinema screenings on rainy days. I hate seeing Ginny so distressed. This isn't my Ginny, this isn't the little girl who knows how much she's loved and tolerates her sisters affection, this little girl doesn't understand what or why everything has changed over night. She's suddenly too big for her waterpit but schools not on so she doesn't get in her weekly swim. 

Daddy's hardly ever home as he's not getting usual days off to be able to manage my medical appointments so there's no one to swing her around. Mommy can't carry her or go for nice longs days out, and all our usual camping trips have been cancelled. There're no trips to the seaside or walks along castles she's never visited before. And it's not for just a change for her but for all the girls. Everything is different and is out of my control. I've always managed to keep things normal for the girls during the bulk of my pregnancies but with my slipped/herniated/prolapsed disk there's not much I can do. The last thing I want to do is prolong my recovery and require spinal surgery after Amber Lily is delivered, I count the weeks down excited to meet her but hoping that with her arrival my life can soon go back to normal. That my back settles and we can be the family we were again. That I can be back in control.